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Written by Huskies Suck Dot Com   
Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:00

Cash-Strapped Billionaires Beg for $150M from Taxpayers

Times are harder over at Montlake than previously thought, as evidenced by the University of Washington begging the State Legislature to allocate $150M toward a new Husky Stadium despite an alumni fund consisting of over $2.2 billion in funds. While it was known that President Emmert was "turning tricks" by accepting payouts in exchange for firings in the athletic department (see below), it was not known that the school was in such need of financial aid.
 

Analysis reveals that the Huskies have been... scraping by with little more than a diet of ramen noodles and toast, as is demonstrated by their feeble and apparently undernourished athletic programs of the last several years.


 


Husky lobbist outside the Washington State Capitol Building


There was great enthusiasm amongst University officials about what could be accomplished with the $150M of state funds. Ideas included and upgrade to exotic hardwood bleacher benches, a non-collapsible roof, increased yacht parking. "Just imagine the size of the track we could circle the field with for $150 million!" exclaimed an unnamed source.


Rendering of the new $300 million Husky Stadium, featuring an even larger track and more yacht parking.



It is not known if the University will seek to allocate a portion of the funds to God, who regularly makes Husky Stadium miserable by providing rain and drizzle upon the masses, although it has been confirmed that they are working with demigod Jake Locker to initiate negotiations with God.

Despite such viable options as a) raising their own damn money, b) drawing from the $2.2 billion alumni fund, c) playing at Qwest field, and d) shutting down the athletic department altogether; the Huskies decided to invoke their sense of entitlement and superiority while pulling dollars from the hard-working taxpayers of Washington State.

"This is not a professional venture, and that's what makes it different" noted a prominent lawmaker, "that is, except for the fact that they pay their players."

 

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