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Dawg: The Bounty Hunter PDF Print E-mail
Written by Huskies Suck Dot Com   
Wednesday, 09 January 2008 16:00

Alum Attempts to Purchase a "Return to Glory"

Revealed in a Seattle Times report today is the discovery that many Husky alumni threatened to withhold ongoing support for the school unless Ty "Losingham" and Todd "Turdner" (sic) were removed from their active positions, even going so far as to offer a bounty of $100,000 each for the removal of the two unsuccessful losers.

With Emmert as the bounty hunter, the school took the bait on "Turdner," canning him in December, and the University will in turn receive $100,000 in exchange.

While it was long known that Huskies would...

 gladly pay their players big money, and let their employees gamble money in the name of college athletics, it is believed this may be the first occasion of the Huskies taking money by selling their adminsitrative positions. (Past discretions are documented here on Bad Dawg). Like some kind of high-stakes game of Big Brother, Husky big-time boosters are invited to make their choice, then see if "Big Brother" Emmert grants their bid.


Mark Emmert picked up the bounty on Turner, still after Willingham




Emmert did not discolose the cost of other heads in the Athletic Department, however Husky alumni were rumored to have inquired with Pac-10 officials about the per-unit cost to buy wins for their team. Word of mouth indicates they were directed to the Pac-10 officiating office.

It is not known if Emmert has any plans to continue his career as a bounty hunter. Osama bin Laden is still at large, and the collection on his bounty by Emmert could bring in upwards of $25 million for the University. Based on the per-win cost for the Huskies over the last few years, that'd be enough to buy an additional win per season, getting them that much closer to .500.

Bin Laden, Emmert, and "Turdner" were each unavailable for comment.


 

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